"Your Lucky Holiday Secret's Safe With Me" Oreo Cookie Bark

I'm really almost hesitant to post this next recipe. It's ridiculously simple, in terms of ingredients, and almost just as ridiculously easy to make. In fact, it's so easy that I might even go so far as to say that it's... foolproof. And I say that as someone who actually messed it up, presentation-wise, but managed to score huge points, nonetheless, in the taste department.

So why, you ask, the hesitation?

Because, frankly, posting it will inevitably destroy-- or at least damage-- its (and my!) mystique.

It is, though, the season of "giving," and posting now is wholly appropriate: These make the perfect Christmas present/stocking (goody-bag) stuffer! They're quick, easy, (fairly) inexpensive, delightfully tasty, and decidedly (if somewhat deceptively) impressive. In fact, I found and tried this recipe myself by way of sheepish apology...

Oreo™ Cookie Bark

This candy has a back story.

There's a game that's pretty popular with the guys at my law school-- and maybe with guys everywhere, actually, even if I don't know it: Credit Card Roulette. It acknowledges the fact that, within a group of friends, at some point or another, everyone will buy a round, foot the bill, etc., for everyone else. Everyone puts their card-- or wad of cash, I suppose, if they're real high-rollers or, conversely, if everyone's gone cheapskate for the night-- in the middle, and someone picks (without looking) until there's just one card left. The whole bill goes on that card.

You'd think that this is efficient, but, of course, it overlooks one completely unpredictable variable: luck. Inevitably-- despite the best of intentions-- someone will, more often than not, win, and someone else will, unfortunately, rather consistently get the short end of the stick.

I was asked, one night, to be the "picker" for a group of guys. As luck would have it, though, Lady Luck was not on the side of my friend Ed, and I wound up costing him a cool $40+. He was gracious about it, of course (being, apparently, the unlucky one of the bunch), and even bought me a shot, but I felt kind of terrible. I knew, though, two things: (1) Ed loves Oreos™, and (2) Ed thinks I'm a good cook. So I thought it'd be nice to make him some sort of sweet treat, by way of "apology."

I thought my usual Oreo™ pie or cheesecake might be too much, and I didn't have all the kitchen gadgets I'd need for gourmet Oreo™ cupcakes, so finding this recipe turned out to be perfect in a number of different ways.

Reasons To Love Oreo™ Cookie Bark (Non-Exhaustive)

1. It's very easy.
2. It's very delicious. Even people who don't typically like sweets raved. (And hey, Ed forgave me!)
3. Though you can find similar items for sale in gourmet candy/chocolate shops and stores (and they go for a small fortune), it doesn't actually cost that much-- and it's even cheaper if you skip the cookies and go for the peppermint candy substitution (very holiday-esque).
4. Function of Points 2-3: It's impressive. The fact that this candy goes for at least $20/bag at a boutique-- and that it tastes like it's worth that-- really goes a long way.
5. It's a stress-reliever. You get to mash things!


Mine wasn't actually perfect. I burnt/caramelized the white chocolate a bit, which meant it wasn't as pretty:


It still tasted delicious, though, which really should be all that matters :)

Well, that, and compliments, and I assure you you'll get a ton if you make this... but you've gotta promise me: this'll be our best-kept little secret, right?

The "Your Lucky Holiday Secret's Safe With Me" Recipe (Oreo™ Cookie Bark - UnModified; Recipe here, Courtesy of Kathy W., allrecipes.com)

Ingredients:
1 (20 oz.) package chocolate sandwich cookies with creme filling
(For an ultra-holiday taste, think of using the special mint creme Oreos™ or just straight up peppermint candy. Yum!)
2 (18.5 oz.) packages white chocolate
(For cost/ease considerations, white chocolate chips work just as well :))

Directions:

1. Line a 10 x 15 inch jellyroll pan-- or even just a cookie sheet-- with waxed paper. Coat paper with non-stick vegetable spray and set aside.
(If you don't have waxed paper, yes, aluminum foil will work, though not quite as well.)
2. In a large mixing bowl, break half of the cookies (or candy) into coarse pieces with fingers or the back of a wooden spoon.
3. Melting the White Chocolate: This is very tricky-- and exactly where I messed up. White chocolate has a ton of different fats, butters, and oils in it, and they all melt at different temperatures, which makes working with it extremely difficult-- if you care about the end-product looking nice, anyway. (I would have preferred that mine did, but it's not like the bark wound up tasting any less delicious.) Nevertheless, if you do care, please make sure to follow my (new and detailed) instructions (adapted mostly from The Chocolate Spot and slightly from my own experience) very carefully.

* For better management, please melt just half your white chocolate at once. Trust me: It's worth it to do it in two "different" batches.
a. Do NOT follow the package instructions to melt in the microwave-- it will definitely burn. (There is a way to do it safely and well in the microwave, but it's not according to package instructions, doesn't work for all recipes, and is kind of best-suited for non-novice bakers.) Instead, use either a double-boiler or a heat-resistant bowl and small saucepan. Fill the double-boiler or saucepan with about 1 inch of water. Bring the water to a simmer over medium heat.
b. Chop the white chocolate into very small pieces. Alternatively, you can save yourself some time by using white chocolate chips :D (There is a drawback to this shortcut, though-- the chips tend not to melt as smoothly or beautifully. That doesn't really matter for this particular dessert, but it might make a difference if you're trying to melt white chocolate for gourmet truffles or drizzle.)
c. Put the chocolate into either the top of the double-boiler or into the heat-resistant bowl.
d. Place over top of the boiling water. (If you're using the heat-resistant bowl, place it carefully in the boiling water in the saucepan.) Let this sit until half-melted. Then, remove from heat and set pan (not bowl) on the countertop. (Please place a towel under the pan to keep the moisture from reaching the chocolate-- this, I think, would result in clumping.)
e. The white chocolate is still melting at this point!; stir gently with a spatula until smooth. If unsightly lumps still remain, you may return to heat (carefully!) for about a minute, until all is melted.

4. Fold in broken cookie (or candy) pieces. Pour mixture into prepared jellyroll pan or cookie sheet and spread to cover approximately half the pan.
5. Repeat process with remaining chocolate and cookies, spreading mixture into the other half of pan.
6. Refrigerate until solid, about 1 hour.
7. Remove bark from the pan and carefully peel off the waxed paper. Place bark on a large cutting board and cut with a large chef's knife. Store in an airtight container.


8. Optional: Package beautifully?! Ribbons and satin will dress it up nicely. Merry Holidays!

Here's to finding candy, not coal, in your stocking this holiday season...